I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
