it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
