well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
