Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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