what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
