I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
