He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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