We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize