nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
