Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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