Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
