I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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