Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
