smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
