someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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