Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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