hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I supernannyed him into submission
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
