I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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