gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
