had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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