I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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