I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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