Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I looked at my own cervix.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
