it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
