I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
