If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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