I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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