you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize