please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
