Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
