We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's shark week go big or go home
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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