It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
