is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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