I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
