Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
