am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
