he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
