finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
