First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
