lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
