her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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