..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
