She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize