Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
