chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
