mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Me too!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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