So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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