we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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