I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
