Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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