Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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