Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
