I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
