I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
