dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
