that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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