you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
