you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
