I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
