Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
