i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
