Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
