First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
