my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
