U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
