He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
